gaaaahhhh....

sigh...What is up with me and relationships? I just can't seem to ever get them right. Not with my partner. Not with my best friends. I always get taken the wrong way. Maybe I am just a snotty cow all the time. Maybe my communication skills suck? Maybe its got something do with my terrible habit of never being able to admit when I am wrong?

I just wish I had a magic key that could give my more insight about the people in my life. I wish I could only make them feel good, not make them hurt. I feel like I am drowning right now in what I am thinking is a massive personality defect in me.

I love my partner. I love my friends. I have so much capacity for love but I guess what comes out of me is the opposite. Only snark and negativity escapes from the hole I call a mouth. What happened to me that being mean is the only way I can express my affection for someone. Well, I have a few clues but I don't really want to plumb those depths right now. Thatsa girl Charlotte...ignore it and it will get better. right? wrong.

Man this post is sooooo....something...I might as well of intitled it "Dear Diary"... Hmmm thats how I feel sometimes, like a teenager who doesn't even know herself yet. Who is awkward and angry and immature. What do they call it? "emotionally stunted"? hmmm..maybe...

Ok self-pity and loathing over for now... Sorry to mess up my pretty new blog with this insipid whining. I get back to the juicy stuff now :)